For many years I studied with a teacher who shared how the nature of conditioning shapes our identity constructs. When we first arrive on the planet, even before – from the moment we chose to be conceived – the veil is very thin. We have a connection with the Divine that is so transparent that we ‘remember’ who we are and why we chose to be here. During the early years of our childhood we are blessed with an unselfconsciousness that allows us to be free and uninhibited.
Then conditioning begins, our personality and ego-mind reasserts itself and we begin the process of becoming separated from ourselves and Source. For those who retain a strong hold on that connection to the Divine, but feel judged or punished for ‘knowing’, confusion arises and a conflict ensues. The Power Greater Than Myself (i.e., my parents) say one thing, I’m experiencing something else? How do I resolve this, what do I do?
The safest course of action for most spiritual beings having a human experience is to create a ‘split self’ – an inner life vs. an outer life. We seek to reconcile ‘who I am’ with ‘who I should be’ – for many years the ‘who I should be’ wins out. Indeed this course of action seems to be the safest and most successful, it enables us to fit in with everyone else, to be able to move ahead in the world, and ‘win at the game of life’.
Until it stops working — until we seem to have it all, or maybe we find we never did have it all and can’t figure out ‘why?’ and we become restless, irritable, and discontent. Some people come to this quite naturally, perhaps during a mid-life crisis or as they approach retirement; others are compelled to heal the ‘split self’ because their life never seemed to work!
Eventually we are all propelled to explore the ‘inner life’ for answers, to regain the freedom within that comes with rediscovering “Who I Am” — reconnecting with ourselves, to all of life, and creation that surrounds us.