Where does that leave ‘me’? Standing on the threshold of emptiness I realized that everything I thought I knew about me, everything thought I had, every action I took, everything that was ‘me’, wasn’t me.
“It’s not yours to do” wasn’t directed toward me, but toward my ego. This is where ‘you’ get off; this is where the road ends for ‘you’: “It’s not YOURS to do”. Stepping across the threshold means leaving my ego-mind behind.
I have no awareness of how to stop every impulse that I have, to simply Be with my Self. To be with the thought and not act on the thought; to allow myself to simply ‘pause’ and Be. Therein lies the Fear. She is the one who will be left behind.
Then I feel excited: “Oh, my God, what would life be like if I were to simply ‘stop’? Stop doing, stop reacting, stop thinking, STOP. No longer give in to the endless compulsion to take this on, to speak up, or to step up. How liberating!
Could I allow the darkness to completely enfold me and listen to one voice: “It’s not yours to do”, leave all of the other voices at the threshold? Would I become the darkness and the emptiness; floating in air, completely in the Unknown? Terrifying.
The chance to experience ME for the first time, to start fresh, with nothing. Allow myself to sit with not knowing, to not do, to not hold on. Who would I Be? The answers lie across the threshold.